As I mentioned in a previous article, one of the reasons for founding my own business was that I wanted to do something to extend my travels and make a little extra income as I enjoyed traveling on a personal level.
I was lucky. I found a niche market where there was a need for information that no one was providing. It was a niche that I was experienced in and I felt I could fill a gap in the industry.
Business was good…maybe too good?
The reality of the situation was that I was doing the opposite of what I’d intended on a personal level. I was working all the time and not putting any focus on my personal goals.
I’d lost my sense of ‘self’
My entire existence was the business. I didn’t even know who ‘Candy’ was anymore. I’d given up on my personal wants and needs in an effort to keep the business afloat – to continue to providing information and resources that thousands were relying on.
We have found that many entrepreneurs tend to lose their sense of self to that of their companies. In not being able to separate who they are from what they do, entrepreneurs lose perspective and become consumed by their businesses.
I was neglecting my health, not getting enough sleep, putting pressure on myself to do ‘better’ and create ‘more’. I was working more hours than I can even account for. On a burnout level, I was at 120%.
I was traveling less… Running a rapidly growing business was taking it’s toll on me both mentally and physically.
Entrepreneurs often juggle many roles and face countless setbacks–lost customers, disputes with partners, increased competition, staffing problems–all while struggling to make payroll. “There are traumatic events all the way along the line,”
Psychiatrist and former entrepreneur Michael A. Freeman, who is researching mental health and entrepreneurship.
The Difficult Choices
Making choices when you feel like you’re at the end of your rope isn’t easy. It’s difficult to see beyond the black and white. For me those choices were to shut down the business – or – hand the reigns over to someone that could carry on the vision. I didn’t see any grey areas – at the time, there wasn’t any other choices for me. I didn’t want to see the business die…but I couldn’t keep on the way I was going.
Something needed to change, and change quickly!
I consulted with multiple leaders in the industry. The resources that I was providing were valuable to the industry. I didn’t want to see it shut down.
“A huge part of running a successful business is decision making and when you don’t have enough time to think through a decision, there’ll be mistakes.”
I worked hard to find someone that could share my vision. Someone that could hopefully carry on the business while maintaining the core values that the company was built on. With my black and white decision options –
I chose to keep it alive vs shutting it down.
Handing over the Reigns
Giving up control of a business that you’ve built – isn’t easy. For the first year, I felt like a part of me had died. In a way, it did. I suddenly went from feeling like I was making huge contributions to others to feeling like I was useless. I didn’t know what to do with all of the newfound time on my hands.
This put me into another form of depression. I constantly questioned my decision. I felt inadequate. I felt like I’d let people down…. My self-worth was at an all-time low.
The hardest part? I couldn’t tell anyone. Anyone familiar with business knows that there are always ‘trade secrets’ or business information that is confidential. Because of non-disclosure agreements, I couldn’t revel in the success of building a business and share the successes that followed. Most of my support system was ‘part of the industry’ and I couldn’t lean on them.
Over the course of the months to follow, I began to to relax. I spent time with my family. I started eating and sleeping better, my general mental and physical health was reviving. But there was still a gap, a hole that needed filled.
Moving Forward
Many months later, as I sit and write this I’m still trying to figure out who I am. I still feel lost and without direction. I still struggle with not being in control. I’m suffering from what is known as “Postpartum Blues”. There is an emotional toll to exiting a company, even a successful one.
“Your work usually satisfies three important things. It gives you a community of people, it structures time in your life, and it gives you a purpose for getting out of bed. If you happen to love the job–which most founders do–all those things are to an extreme.”
I’m working on getting through my portpartum blues. Seeking a new way to give myself a community, structure, and purpose. It’s not easy. It’s a long road. For now, I’ve thrown myself into International traveling. It’s filling some of the void – but I’m still lacking purpose.
Ultimately, I think I want to engage in another entrepreneurial venture. What will that be? Who knows? In the meantime, I’m finding out who Candy is…
If you are an entrepreneur, have you struggled with any of these issues? How did you get through it? Do you have any tips or advice?
A Re-Discovered Life 